Hosting my brotherSister's child in my non-existent womb
by Dr. Doitsu
Summary: Germancest Mpreg. Genderbent Prussia. Crack, but not particularly humorous. I just went back and read this and cringe every single day wtf
1. Fuck it Let's just blame England!

**Please enjoy this terrible crack with Genderbent Prussia for no apparent reason and absolutely nothing that makes much sense~**

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Ludwig groaned. Last night had been...hectic, to say the least. It had started with Gilbert's 'Bad Touch Trio' meeting up at their house, which Ludwig didn't have a problem with as long as they didn't make a mess or break anything. Both Francis and Antonio had decided to bring dates, France with England and Spain with a tomato that had a frown drawn on because Romano didn't want to come and a frowning tomato is basically the same thing anyway.

The night had been fairly dull, France making occasional passes at England who turned each one down before the Frenchman even had a chance to kiss his hand. While Ludwig tried to keep the peace between Gilbert and Arthur when the two argued about the existence of magic and whether British or German beer was better, England had managed to hit both of the German brothers with a chant that sounded either Latin or just plain Drunken Gibberish. Ludwig didn't remember much after that except for being locked in his bedroom with his drunken brother.

The blond awoke in the morning and sat up in bed. He wasn't wearing any clothes, so he assumed that Italy had just become a lot bolder with his advances and decided to undress him during his sleep. Groaning and holding his head, he looked around, surprised to find an equally nude girl in bed next to him. He would have exited the bed if doing so wouldn't reveal his nudity, so instead he just sat in the bed, staring in shock at the stranger. The woman stirred and looked up at him, a sleepy smile on her face as she looked up at Ludwig, pushing her long white hair out of her eyes. "Morgen, West." She muttered dozily, rolling over and burying her head in the pillow. West? Only Gilbert called him that...

"G-Gil...?" He asked, eyes wide as he stared down at his 'brother'. When the only response that he got was a muffled 'JaLeaveMeAloneI'mTiredIWannaSleepShutUpNein', Ludwig shook his brother in shock. "Gilbert! Wake up **now**!"

The Prussian sat up and looked at him, rubbing the gunk from her eyes as she furrowed her brow. "...I'm sleepy..."  
"Ja, you're also a _woman._" The blond answered, frowning.

Several weeks passed, and Gilbert hadn't found a way to return to his manly five meters and get rid of his equally awesome breasts. About Six weeks had passed after the incident that in all honesty, no one seemed to remember, and Prussia had just about adjusted to his new body. Ludwig had tried to establish a few new house rules now that Gilbert was of the opposite sex, one of them being 'No walking around naked'. As a direct consequence, Japan had started visiting a lot more often and Italy started visiting a lot less. It was during one of Japan's frequenting visits that Ludwig had first begun to feel the symptoms of some unknown sickness. He felt tired, but naps were for children, he couldn't possibly take one...

Kiku glanced up at his friend, putting his phone into his pocket. "...Germany, you look tired. Are you well?" the man asked, looking almost concerned as he glanced over at the blond.

Ludwig waved a hand, shaking his head. "Nein...I'm fine. Just tired..."

Japan nodded and went back to reading Doujins on his phone.

Another two weeks passed, Gilbert was still a woman, and nothing seemed to be changing so it was easy to assume that he would stay that way for a while longer. Ludwig couldn't trouble himself with trying to find a cure, after all, Gilbert almost seemed to be enjoying his time as a female. He certainly was spending a lot of his time in his room, though.

Ludwig was out for a walk, but feeling a need down below, he found himself having to knock Italy's door. It was the closest house at the moment, and he was very relieved when the Italian answered. Feliciano may have been naked at the moment but that didn't matter so much. No way in hell was Germany gonna pee outside. "Hallo Feliciano, can I use your bathroom?" he asked, biting his bottom lip hopefully.

The brunet paused to think, tapping his chin. "Hm. Can I walk around your house without clothes?" he asked, getting a 'nein' in response. "Then no. Sorry, Luddy~!" Italy giggled, shutting the door. Ludwig's eyes widened and he banged on the door with his fist. "Italy! OPEN UP!" He yelled desperately, and the Italian did so, even if only to prevent Ludwig from destroying the entrance to his house. The German entered quickly and went upstairs. Once in the bathroom, he immediately emptied his bladder into the toilet. Leaning on the Doorframe, Italy pouted as he watched his friend pee. "Germany~ Strip~ Strip pleaseeeee" he whined, holding onto his best darn buddy in the whole diddly damn universe and tugging the German's arm. "I haven't seen you without clothes on in ages~" he whined, ignoring the fact that Ludwig looked dead inside and was progressively getting deader. Deader than Romano's hopes and dreams.

When the German declined, doing up the fly of his pink leather trousers (Best not to ask), Feli whined again and nodded. "Ve...ok, but can you help me in the garden?"

"...Can you put some pants on?" Ludwig asked.

"Not a chance~!" Italy giggled, skipping outside and leading Ludwig out by the hand.

After a few hours in the garden, Both Ludwig and Feliciano were covered in filth. "Well Luddy, I guess we both need a shower." Feliciano said, not even bothering to hide his smile. Ludwig decided to stop letting Feliciano play with Canada. It was making Feli shifty. Matthew Williams is a bad influence.

**Do not allow your offspring to see, play with, talk to or come into contact with MATTHEW WILLIAMS.**

**Matthew Williams WILL contaminate their souls.**

In the shower, Feliciano's weird lines that he referred to as 'eyes' widened. "Luddy! Your Nipples are bigger than usual!" he poked one. "And they're a darker shade of pink!"

The German frowned. "Why do you know what my nipples usually look like?"  
"Luddy, I think we both know why I know what your nipples usually look like~" The Italian purred, scrubbing the German's torso with a soapy flannel.


	2. Let's play 'spot the fandom references'

Ludwig and Gilbert were visiting Austria's house. The Prussian had insisted that they go, seeing as Gil was eager for any chance to annoy his Austrian Frenemy.

"Hey West..." The older of the two nudged her brother. "West your nipples are really obvious." She stated, poking the obvious lumps sticking out underneath Ludwig's shirt. The blond's face reddened. What the hell was up with his nipples lately?! Oh, how he yearned for his manly nips to return to their previous state. Sadly, that didn't seem like it would be happening any time soon, and looking over at his sister's feminine body, Ludwig decided that he could be in a worse condition. The state of his nipples weren't _that_ bad. It could be worse. He could have breasts.

The two knocked on the door, and soon enough, Austria opened. Almost immediately, Ludwig was upstairs and using the bathroom.

"West! I told you to go before we left!" Gilbert called, frowning.

"I did!" Was her younger brother's reply as he returned downstairs, doing up the fly of his sexy rubber shorts.

Austria watched all of this with a confused expression. He had been fairly sure that Gilbert was a guy, but clearly he was wrong.

Clearing his throat, Roderich looked the Prussian up and down before speaking. "Hallo, Gilbert. Hallo Ludwig..." His eyes trailed down to Ludwig's sexy rubber shorts, and he decided just not to ask. "How are you two? Is there any reason that you're visiting today?"

Gilbert laughed, nodding and lifting her shirt up. "Ja! I wanted to show you my breasts!"

"...are you sure that's the breast way to spend your time?" Roderich asked, keeping a straight face despite his terrible, terrible pun and the cleavage being pressed against him by the slightly taller (ex) nation.

Somewhere, Hungary felt a shudder.

Ludwig didn't look amused by the joke or his sister's reason for coming. "Ignore her, Austria. Gilbert seems to have been turned into a woman, which really hasn't got much to do with the plot at all." He admitted, frowning. "...Anyway, this is merely a social visit."

The Austrian nodded, closing the front door and leading them inside. "..hm. Can I interest you in anything? Tea? Coffee?" He offered, leading the way into the living room.

Shaking his head and sitting down on the sofa, Ludwig shook his head. "Nein, thank-you but...Nein. I've gone off coffee lately." The German stated. The metallic taste that he had been getting in his mouth lately had made his second favourite beverage less than enjoyable. "I will be fine with just water." He assured him. Gilbert waved a hand in the air. "I want a Butter Beer that's been warmed in the engine of the tardis and sprinkled with holy water! Cresto!"The albino announced, and Roderich hit her arm. "If you think that I am letting you bring your fandom crap into this house then you are mistaken! Keep it on tumblr!"

Gilbert frowned, folding her arms across her breasts and resting her feet on the table. "...You're less fun than Sherlock on a bad hair day." The albino muttered, turning away. As a result of turning away from Austria, Gilbert was soon facing her brother, and she raised a concerned eyebrow at her younger brother's uncomfortable appearance. "West? Are you OK..?" She asked, nudging his arm. The blond pulled his arm away, lifting a hand to his mouth and shaking his head. "N-Nein..." He stammered, after swallowing. (which Roderich regarded as vile)

"I think I should go home..." Germany stated, standing up. "I apologise for leaving so early, I just feel unwell..."

Roderich nodded, secretly glad to be rid of Gilbert's company as he followed his two relatives towards the front door. "Ludwig." The aristocrat said, a hand on Germany's shoulder to prevent him from following Gilbert into the car. "Try eating more fruit. It helps."

Ludwig nodded in confusion before entering the car and driving off back to their house. Man, he couldn't wait to get home and lie down.


	3. Dr Pepper

"Pregnant." The doctor confirmed, shaking his head. "I don't know how, but I _do_ know that there is most definitely a tiny human inside of you, Ludwig."

Ludwig was sat on the bed in a doctor's ward, having the mysterious bump on his stomach checked out by a doctor who, hilariously, had the last name of 'Pepper'. After being prompted to get the worrying growth examined, he had finally been convinced to see Dr. Pepper, and was not exactly happy with the results. Narrowing his eyes at the man, Ludwig shook his head. "That is ridiculous, sir." He stated, frowning. "I am a male, and as a result I am physically unable to carry a child!" The very notion of male pregnancy was a ridiculous one, impossible! Ludwig didn't even have a uterus!

"Of course you can carry a child, West!" Gilbert called, holding her arms as though she were holding a baby. "It's easy. Ya just hold your arms like so and try not to drop it."

The younger of the two frowned, clapping slowly. "Very funny, Gilbert. Now if we could get back to the important matter at hand, **how the hell am I pregnant?!**" He demanded, glaring at Dr. Pepper.

The man shrugged. "Well, it usually happens when a man and a woman have s-"

Ludwig clamped a hand over the doctor's mouth, and if looks could kill, Dr. Pepper would be dead. Still casting a potentially fatal glare in the Doctor's direction, Ludwig sighed. " 'A man and a woman' have not done anything. Unless I was mysteriously impregnated by Italy then I doubt I am actually pregnant."

Gilbert raised her arm. "We woke up next to each other naked, We might have-" however she stopped speaking when she noticed the look that she was getting from Ludwig. Groaning and sitting back down on the bed, Ludwig frowned. "I am **_not_** pregnant and we have **_not_** done the do, Gilbert! And the fact that you're a woman seems absolutely irrelevant to the plot of this frankly awful fan-fiction!"

Prussia frowned and lifted her shirt up, showing off her new body to Dr. Pepper. "Do _you_ think that _these awesome titties_ are 'irrelevant', Doc? **_Kesesesesese_**"

The Doctor shook his head with a grin. "O-Of course not, they most certainly are relevant to everything..!" He agreed, reaching out to touch, however Ludwig grabbed Gilbert's arms and dragged her out of the room, blushing furiously.

Back at home, Ludwig was standing in front of Gilbert with an annoyed expression. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you?!"

"Nothing's wrong, West, What's wrong with _you_?! You're the one wearing sequined trousers." Gilbert answered, tying her long hair into a pony tail and glancing up at the time. "Hm, gotta get going, West. BTT drinking night." She announced, standing up. Ludwig nodded. "I'll come as well. These past few weeks have been stressful and confusing. I could use a drink or two." He stated, however Gilbert shook her head with a frown. She narrowed her eyes at her younger brother and shook her head. "No way! Drinking will harm the baby!" she argued, turning around and going upstairs to get her 'clubbing gear' on.

Ludwig walked to the bottom of the stairs and frowned. "What baby?! I am a man! I can't get pregnant, and I'm a country! We get kids by _finding them near our house and deciding to take them home with us_! I doubt even the **female** nations are able to get pregnant!" He frowned and waited for her to return downstairs. When she did, he shook his head. "There is no way you are going out in that skimpy outfit! A feathered bra and matching shorts are not appropriate for any occasion!"

Gilbert raised an eyebrow as she turned to leave the house. "I found these in _your_ closet. Have fun thinking of an explanation for that while I'm gone." She chuckled, leaving the house.


	4. The standard world meeting chapter

Over the months, Ludwig's stomach only grew more and more, his pregnancy becoming horrifically evident. It was clear that he was most definitely the father, or rather, _mother_ of a child, and there was nothing that he could do about it. However, Ludwig was more or less pleased that his scan was going to be today. Who would turn down another opportunity to see the amazingly attractive ? The guy had such a _bubbly_ personality, after all!

"VE DOITSU~!" yelled Feliciano in bad fanfic style. Naturally, he had no clothes on."There's a world meeting! Let's go! I want to see fratello but he locked my out of our house so come on let's go see him at the meeting and you can distract him while I steal back the key-..._H-have you gained weight?"_ Feliciano asked, eyes open for once as he peered at Ludwig's stomach. He lifted Ludwig's 'Thomas the tank engine' T-shirt to examine the bump. "Did you eat too much pasta? Not that there's such a thing as too much pasta but-"

The German raised a hand to silence him. "What's this about a world meeting?" he asked with a sigh, doing his best to ignore Feliciano's rambling. Italy looked up at him with a confused expression before smiling and nodding. "SI! The world meeting that started half an hour ago!" the brunet chirped with a smile before looking seriously at Ludwig. "Germany I need to say something, I know that you're mean sometimes and lack most emotions but I've grown to love you as a friend and I'd like it if we became...more than just friends...Ludwig, Ti Amo... I love-"

Suddenly the Italian was dragged out of the door by Ludwig, who hadn't even been listening to the one-sided confession of love. The blond forced him into the car and sat down in the driver's seat, pulling out his phone. "Hallo? ? Something has come up, can you meet me in the UN centre where meetings are held? Bring the required equipment! Bis Bald!" He ended the call and drove with the speed of a thousand pigeons to the UN centre where the meeting was being held. He quickly entered and pushed the door open. "I apologise for my lateness!" He announced, going over to his chair and sitting down. '_I hope things don't get too rowdy, I shouldn't be shouting in my condition._'He thought with a sigh.

The meeting progressed well, no arguments or anything. For once, they managed to actually get something done! However, a knock could soon be heard on the door, and Dr. Pepper arrived, pushing in a large selection of equipment. The nations watched in surprise as Ludwig lay down on the table and lifted his shirt up. The Doctor smeared some gel onto the bump and checked the screen to get a look at the baby. Turning his head with a small frown, Ludwig glared at the countries watching the German have his scan on the conference room table, glaring at them with the implied instruction not to ask questions.

Gilbert was squealing and jumping up and down, her breasts jiggling like no breast has ever jiggled before. "West! West! It's our baby look it's our baby!" she announced, pointing at the screen and smiling.

"...Since when was it our baby?!" Ludwig demanded. "And you can't get me pregnant since you're a girl for some reason!"

Gilbert looked confused. "I can impregnate you with my ovaries!" she declared with a grin. When her younger brother stated that the very notion of that was impossible, she smirked and told him that there was no other way the pregnancy could have happened.

Dr. Pepper looked up from the screen, fizzing with excitement. "Do you want to know that gender?" He asked, caressing Ludwig's butt-cheek.

The German nodded, eager to know so that he could at least decorate the room accordingly. He craned his neck to look at the screen and frowned.

"It's a lovely, healthy baby girl! Looks like she'll be a German shepherd~!" The Doctor said with a smile. Ludwig wore a confused expression and opened his mouth to make an objection only to be silenced by the Doctor's hand on his mouth. "Let's not have any of that '_Ach but Ich vanted ein boy hurr hurr'_ . You're the mother of a healthy little girl and I don't want any complaints!"

The German just stared as Dr. Pepper left. "...I'm not going to give birth to a dog!"

Gilbert hugged him, helping him down from the table with a wide grin and kissing him repeatedly. "We're gonna be parents! We're gonna be a family aw yissssssss!" she squealed while the rest of the nations looked on in confusion.

Ah, yes. This was going to be a long and very strenuous pregnancy for poor poor Ludwig.


	5. Possessed Roddy and the review

The randomness of Germany's scan left all of the countries in a daze, and America was the first to speak up. "...Prussia got his brother pregnant with a dog...?" With a small frown, Alfred pressed his nose against Ludwig's, standing on his tiptoes and looking him in the eye before doing the same to Gilbert. "Are either of you currently, or have either of you ever been, a werewolf?!" He demanded. Both of the two brothers looked confused before Ludwig pushed America to the side with the gentleness of a mother. The German shook his head, as did his older brother/sister. Brister? Sisther? Schwester...Brester? Breaster? Breast?  
Yes. Gilbert was a breast.

Austria looked the most confuzzled at the event of Ludwig's scan. The brunet raised a dark eyebrow and raised a dainty hand to get everyone's attention when something shot through him. An otherworldly connection that he couldn't explain. His eyes rolled back, exposing the whites as he pointed a shaky finger in the direction of Germany and Prussia, beginning to speak in a voice that was not his own. Possessed by the reviewer that had silently been watching their lives and commenting on them for so very long, Roderich's voice was not his own. The words of fanfiction user 'DeathNSpikes' were soon pouring out of his mouth.

"_ a german shepherd baby? gilbert, i'm afraid even your ovaries can't do that since, well, you're not a dog _

_and ludwig, how did you decide it'd be a great idea to have your scans at a meeting? the pregnancy must be getting to your head_" he said before flopping back onto his chair and passing out.

Despite the fact that Austria was clearly passed out, Gilbert felt the need to answer. She grinned and pointed to her pelvic area. "My ovaries are awesome and could be the mother of a bird if I wanted!" She stated. Ludwig looked at her and then down at his stomach. "I don't understand..." He admitted quietly as Italy scurried over to him, shoving his house keys into his pocket before Romano could notice that they were gone. "Ve...Germany you're going to have a bambino! You'll be a mother!" He laughed, eyes sparkling with excitement. "You know...I always wanted to sleep with a pregnant woma-"

"Goodbye, Italy." Ludwig said quickly, moving to stand behind his Brother/Sister/ Breast person with a frown. Gil giggled, bending down to stroke the bump with a smile. "Hallo, I'm Gilbert and I'm your dad! And uncle...anyway I can't wait to meet you!" She laughed, kissing the bump and standing up.

Canada raised a hand with a frown. "Womb? Egg? Where da hell does it come out from?!

Boobies 4 milk?!

DOCTORS NOT FREAKING OUT?!" He hollered

(Holla!)

Not a single person heard, not did they give a fuck.

"Who're you...?" Asked Kumasdfghjkl whatever.

"I AM THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN!" Matthew answered, pointing to the bulging stomach of his pregnant stomach, laden with polar bear triplets. "I've been craving children's souls for months!"

KumanicolasCage raised a fluffy eyebrow and quietly muttered that if Canada thought he was gonna be paying anything to help with the kids then he was sorely mistaken.

With a sigh, Matthew sat back down in his seat.

**Don't fuck Polar Bears, Kids!**

For a few moments, everybody just said nothing until Ludwig waved a hand in the air. "I'm going home." He stated, leaving the room.

Italy looked up immediately. "Wait for me! I need to put my Italian noodle into your donut hole!" He shouted, following.

"H-Hey! Only I'm allowed to fuck west!" Gilbert yelled in response, running after the two with her breasts bouncing up and down.

**AN!**

**Hi! Uh, so two of the lines in this...wacky fanfic aren't mine. The first one which is in italics is basically 'deathNspikes' review for the last chapter, since I thought a possessed Austria would be the best way to answer it. And the line that Canada says first was me and my amazing friend having a conversation about what I was writing while I was trying to come up with ideas. **

**(she's 'ambercanwrite' on . She only has one story but we're working on that! Go check her out!) **

**So uh, I'll see you next time! Not sure how quickly the next chapter will be up, I have a few other stories that I need to update and some one-shots I'd like to start. See ya later~**


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